


Your lies are sour (like unsavory wine)

by xShieru



Category: Dangan Ronpa, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe, Dubious Consent, F/M, M/M, Mental Instability, Possessive Behavior, Sexual Content, Stalking, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-07
Updated: 2013-10-07
Packaged: 2017-12-28 17:33:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/994657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xShieru/pseuds/xShieru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Working at a bar had its own pros and cons. Pros? The atmosphere, the people and the entertainment. Cons? Stalkers. Most definitely stalkers. The moment Komaeda takes him home; Hinata knows that he’s fucked—in more ways than one.</p><p>In which Komaeda manipulates people as if he was born to do just that and Hinata drinks it all in like the red wine that the white haired man enjoys. No answers are found at the very bottom of a glass. AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your lies are sour (like unsavory wine)

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a pwp what is my life. I decided that there is a severe lack of smut fics for Komahina so I am here to remedy the situation. I still hope we will get an anime, won't rest until i get all of DIS BEAR. Inspired by a song My Toxic Valentine by All Time Low! ( and my friend's actual love story )  
> aghh this might be a bit out of character, but it is for the sake of the story ?

You couldn't say that Hinata Hajime loved his work all that much, but the man didn't think that it was bad. In fact, it was quite decent and serving drinks was a talent that he had discovered a very long time ago. The Hope's – what a silly and deceiving name – bar was a well-known place with a nasty reputation to uphold. It was a place the shadiest of people visited and those bar-goers provided immense entertainment for the young bartender. The drunken fights – which he hated the most - the stupid shit that happened left an impression on Hinata that maybe he wasn't so great at making right life choices.

Then again he had always been more of a late night bird.

Working night shifts soon proved to be not as tiring as he would have initially thought and his co-workers were quick to befriend him. The person in charge was an asshole, but he was kind enough, that is, when he wanted to be. All in all Hinata at least enjoyed working at the rundown place, wasting booze on the all too wiling customers and getting to know people. Some of them were quite decent too and Hinata would be lying if he said that he didn't befriend some of them. And the others… well he would rather not think about that.

Weird people with a bunch of problems hanging above their heads, perverts, all too willing to court the reluctant bartender, stoners and/or alcoholics. People who were searching for answers at the very bottom of their glasses, only to find none.

People who just screamed _trouble._

* * *

 

One night Hinata catches the strange stare sent by a certain man who fits the 'troublesome people' description all too well and this is where things start going downhill.

He doesn't know what catches his eye exactly. Maybe it's the mane of white-grayish hair, looking a bit red in the dim lighting of the bar - the tousled strands are unkempt as though their owner has given up on trying to tame them, stray hairs sticking in random directions. Maybe it's the green eyes staring right at him, half-covered by the gray mass, watching him intently. There's just _something_ about that look that makes electrifying shivers run up and down Hinata's spine and his palms dampen just a little.

The stranger first appears on a busy Saturday night. He sits at the far end of the bar and doesn't really pay Hinata any attention, nor does he look like he's really paying any of it to his surroundings at all. Judging by the black bags beneath his eyes, he looks like he hasn't slept for days to no end. Either sleepless or stoned, Hinata thinks, because it isn't an unusual sight in this part of the town. The white-haired man just nods off at the bar, gaze point-blank and unseeing, and Hinata feels an urge to be the one to serve the man that night, his curiosity piqued. Swiftly, he waves his co-worker Souda away and smacks the cherry wood bar top to catch the man's attention. He doesn't succeed at first so he has to repeat the motion a few more times, and snap his fingers in front of the man's face, to snap him out of… whatever kind of trance that he was lost in.

"Can I get you something or are you just going to sleep here and occupy space?" Hinata asks, the usual sarcasm back in his voice. Being irritated with a customer was a bad,  _bad_ thing to do; he had learned it the hard way, so unless it was really necessary for him to sound like an asshole - usually when the drunken customers refused to get the hell out after the closing hours - he kept his tone in line.

The man blinks and looks around as if he doesn't know where he is and right as Hinata contemplates whether the man is really _actually_ stoned - the other's eyes are glossed over and his face is far too pale to look healthy - the man looks him dead in the eye and something _weird_ happens. Those murky green eyes brighten up a little and stare at Hinata as though he's the only person in this world who's worthy of any kind of attention. The white-haired man's weird shivering stops and Hinata sucks in a sharp breath when the stranger speaks up, voice sinfully attractive.

He asks for a simple shot of vodka, purrs something suggestive but Hinata ignores it and takes the bottle, filling a shot and pushing it towards the man without spilling a single drop. The stranger just mutters a word of thanks and Hinata swears that he isn't watching the way those pale slim fingers wrap around the small glass, swears that he's not watching the way the man swallows, Adam's apple bobbing up as the bitter liquid travels down his throat. He coughs at the aftertaste, makes a face as though the shot is the most disgusting thing he's ever tasted and abruptly starts shaking again.

Hinata watches him choking on air and mercilessly smothers down the need to give the man a glass of water. He did ask for it, didn't he? Maybe he's a minor or something? Then again asking for some identification would be a bit weird because after closer inspection, Hinata sees that the white-haired man looks twenty-three at least... Definitely not a minor and _certainly_ of drinking age.

After a small inner battle with himself, he asks,

"Is there anything else I can get you?" Hinata absolutely refuses to ask why did he ask for vodka when he almost gags at the taste of it.

Again, the newborn-puppy-left-in-the-rain quivering stops and the stranger leans in, holding his weight up on his bony elbows. Hinata smells the vodka shot on his breath as the warmth fans over his face.

"You could tell me your name." The man smiles and Hinata thinks that _no_ , not only people are not allowed to have sinfully attractive voices, they are also not allowed to smile, well, _smirk_ like that. However, he ignores the blatant flirty approach, slants his eyebrows down into a frown and backs away slightly so that he can look into those eyes properly. They shine, expecting an answer, and for some reason Hinata feels slightly cornered.

"How about no," he finishes the flimsy conversation, politeness gone in an instant and plans to back out, but for some reason his body doesn't obey and his eyes are glued to the man's.

"There's no need to act like that," the stranger calmly says, seemingly not one bit disheartened by the cold answer, but his eyes betray hurt. "Just a name. It is all I ask for."

Hinata continues standing his ground, mouth shut closed, not really trusting this guy and his sexual bedroom voice. For all he knows this guy could really be some back alley druggie and he'd rather not associate himself with people like that. The guy's hot but not _that hot._ Plus shady as fuck, therefore not worthy of a proper answer. He keeps staring, attention unwavering as if he's trying to read all of Hinata's thoughts which makes the bartender really uncomfortable. After the awkward silence stretches to terrible lengths, he uses a different approach.

"I'm Komaeda. Komaeda Nagito," the man introduces himself and gives Hinata and encouraging smile, an unspoken 'now it is only fair that you tell me your name' hanging in the air.

Hinata remains quiet. At least now he knows the name. Calling someone 'stranger' in your mind for a longer period of time is incredibly stupid. He refuses the urge to say that he really couldn't care less about _his name_  but he actually _does_ and he's a bad liar to begin with, so he stops himself in time. Komaeda refuses to look away, obviously expecting an answer still, and with finality, Hinata sighs.

"Alright," he squeezes out and peels his stare away from Komaeda's green-eyed gaze, willing himself to go away and serve another customer - a man in his late thirties, tattoos inked on his face, fingers tapping the bar top impatiently. He cannot waste all of his time on just one customer and Kuzuryuu is already giving him pointed looks from his end of the bar. He shoots one last glance Komaeda's way, only to find the man seemingly upset with the way this situation has unfolded. Before Hinata can really think about it he hears his own name escape his lips.

"It's Hinata. That's all you're going to get from me."

He doesn't need to look over his shoulder to know that the man is smiling.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Hinata-kun."

The bartender doesn't really tell him to drop the '-kun' that Komaeda so naturally sticks to the back of his name. While he usually doesn't let people who aren't close to him to use any endearments, Hinata secretly wallows in the way his name rolls from the tip of Komaeda's tongue like it's something sweet and carries on with his job.

He can feel those hazy eyes on him for another hour or so before the man gets up, pays Souda for his shot and leaves.

* * *

 

It has become a routine for Komaeda to show up every night Hinata works his shifts. Right before the bar opens, he furiously wipes at the bar top and Kuzuryuu approaches him. They briefly talk about everything and nothing, mostly bar and customer related stuff. Hinata knows that something is up because the shorter man avoids people like fire and never speaks to anyone unless it's absolutely necessary - in other words when all of his workers need a good scolding. Needless to say, Kuzuryuu asks him about Komaeda.

"What's the deal with you and that guy?" He doesn't really ask, it is said like a statement.

"Which guy?" Hinata pretends that he doesn't know that his co-worker is asking about his newest number one loyal customer and refuses to meet the blond man's inquisitive gaze, pointedly looking down at the torn rag, scrubbing an invisible piece of dirt on the scratched bar top.

Sometimes he wishes that Kuzuryuu was as indifferent as he is explosive and harsh.

"C'mon, don't play fucking dumb with me; I know that you know who I'm talking about. That white-haired guy. The way he drools all over the bar is kind of really fucking disgusting and don't even get me started about the moments whenever you bend over. Deal with that fucker; I think he's scaring away the lady customers."

Hinata stops scrubbing the nonexistent dirt and presses his lips together into a thin line before some cynical statement that they don't really have lady customers slips from him mouth. Not only Komaeda's not his fucking problem, Kuzuryuu just _has to_ go on ahead and bring it on the table when he's trying his best to ignore the white-haired man. It's not like they can kick Komaeda out; he isn't doing anything wrong besides _staring_ and making Hinata feel self-conscious as fuck.

"Look, he's not really doing anything wrong besides… being creepy. And when I say creepy, I mean the kind of creepy that you don't wanna meet in a dark alley. Just let it go and if he bothers you that much you can go and deal with him yourself. I've nothing to do with this guy. He comes here every day."

Kuzuryuu just sucks in a lungful of air and gapes like a fish trying to form sentences. Hinata thinks that the other is choking on his ill-managed anger and he's most likely to burst any moment, but much to Hinata's surprise, the shorter man lets out something between an incredulous laugh and well… a bark of rage, probably. "You mean you didn't know?"

"Know what?" If he doesn't know something that Kuzuryuu does then it can't be good.

"He's only here when you're working your shifts. With you gone, that guy is nowhere to be found. Souda and I haven't seen a whisk of his stupid face here and Mioda swears that she's never seen anyone with a pale-ass complexion during her entire bar-tending career. "

Now that's something _new_ to the brown-haired man and he's certain that it's not anything good. Is Komaeda truly, like Kuzuryuu just implied, _stalking_ him? Now that's highly disconcerting.

"How… How does he even know which shifts I work here? Where the hell did he find out?" Hinata asks, more like speaks to himself rather than the blond. The short man just runs a palm over his hair and thinks about it.

"Beats me. No fucking clue. Either way, Hinata Hajime has a stalker. I'd be impressed if the whole situation wasn't on dangerous levels of fucked up and downright creepy."

Hinata's about to tell the man to shut up, either that or agree with him completely, when Ibuki storms into the bar, almost smacking the short blond with a wet broom.

"It broke all the dangerous levels of creepy already and shot all the way into the mooooon! Over the moon! Into the Maaaars!" She flails around, does a couple rounds of air guitar while Kuzuryuu excessively curses in the background, but then she turns unusually serious. "This is so hecked up, how about I take your shift? Take a break, get a life or a girlfriend, show him that you're not interested. It will aaaall work out like a piece of strawberry cheesecake."

Hinata refuses to acknowledge the last sentence that escapes the eccentric girl and considers the offer for a moment. Should he really abandon his work for at least a week and then come back to find Komaeda Nagito no longer waiting at his usual spot, leering at him over the rim of a red wine glass. No more Komaeda trying to distract him away from work while Hinata tried to concentrate and not cut his own finger off whenever he sliced the lime. No more Komaeda trying, unsuccessfully and not so subtly, to get into his pants.

No more stalker Komaeda Nagito that he's started liking in some sick and twisted way.

"Nah. It's fine. I am going to keep on working; no one is going to do this for me. I need the cash."

"But it is just for a f-few days until the one-man weirdo exhibition moves on. I can cover for you, Hajime—"

"It's fine. Really. There's no need to do that, I can deal with that guy."

Ibuki looks like she's about to argue back, Kuzuryuu mumbles something about 'masochism'. Hinata's sure that he's somehow fucked this up and that he should've taken up Ibuki's offer.

(He should've gotten rid of Komaeda before it was too late; feigned sick, skipped work, had someone bluff that he had quit.

But apparently he just wasn't thinking at the moment.)

* * *

 

Komaeda is strange in all of the wrong ways. That thought has been imprinted in the back of his head ever since he first saw the man, shaking and pale, at the bar. There's something… _off_ about him. It isn't drug related - his co-workers draw out that conclusion after they're done analyzing the man, an expertise that would make any scientist jealous - yet there's _something_ that makes the white-haired man stand out.

He isn't all that different from the rest, he even looks charming and friendly, but the type of friendly who would instantly punch you in the face only to smile afterwards as if they did nothing wrong or didn't really understand the consequences of their actions. It unnerves Hinata, this whole damaged creeper vibe he gets from Komaeda, and soon enough he realizes that he's not the only one who shares those sentiments. He hears Kuzuryuu whispering under his breath something along the lines of 'fucking creeps' whenever he notices the white-haired man lurking around and glares at him whenever he gets the chance, anger and irritation obvious on his face. Ibuki's obviously uncomfortable as well and she sometimes looks like she would rather be anywhere else. Souda seems downright terrified whenever one of the bartenders - usually Hinata - push him to serve their eerie customer.

Komaeda, frankly, does not give a fuck, or so it seems. If he does, then the guy is an amazing actor and does a splendid job at covering it up, Hinata can give him that much. Not everyone is able to hold out for a longer while in a bar where everyone downright dislikes them. He just keeps his gaze focused on Hinata's wide back, watches the muscles move and his spine arch under the tight fabric of a black work shirt whenever the brunet pours drinks.

Another month goes by in a heartbeat and with every single day Hinata becomes more and more aware of the other's presence, more aware of the lustful looks that his co-workers swear they've seen being sent Hinata's way, and while the brown-haired bartender remains really uncomfortable he somehow begins to feel less anxious. Komaeda's presence turns into something he's beginning to tolerate and sometimes he even lets his guard down, relaxing, while the other bartenders continue doing their work, backs tense.

Despite the fact that Hinata never takes up Ibuki's advice to get their shifts changed, he _does_ get himself a girlfriend. Somewhat. Not really.

It's not like you can fully call a _friendship_ since the beginning of high school and a date marathon that lasts no longer than a few weeks a true lovey dovey _relationship_. He's known Chiaki for a long while now, long enough for him to randomly ask her out. Not really sure why he's doing so, Hinata just pops the question and she says yes. Hinata's dating record isn't the best one out there so he barely does anything with the pink-haired girl, maybe takes her by the hand a few times and kisses her a little. Not the true type of kiss though, just a small peck of lips. He doesn't really know how that stuff works, he's never really tried it out before, even though it's a bit shameful for a twenty-four year old to admit. Hinata likes to think that he's never had the time to do stuff like this.

Their dates are the same as the two of them hanging out as usual just with more hand-holding. Video games, arcades, coffee shops - the usual stuff. While she truly enjoys herself - Hinata can tell by the slight changes in her dazed expression - Hinata himself just… never feels it. It feels weird, a bit awkward and just plain wrong. So he politely tells her that that it isn't working out and says that they should keep on being friends.

Naturally, the whole friendship option gets a bit ruined and strained by his sudden declaration. For a while, she keeps giving him a bit of a cold shoulder and Hinata… he cares. A lot. He really does, because Nanami's been his best friend since their junior year of high school and he feels incredibly stupid for selfishly asking her to date him without taking the pink-haired girl's feelings into consideration.

He works messily that night. The alcohol splashes, Kuzuryuu explodes two times and tells him to stop wasting their fucking booze, Souda makes fun of him in a bro kind of way, laughs at him and his doomed from the start relationship. It makes Hinata feel even worse when he tactlessly mentions that Nanami has been spending a lot of her time at Sonia's and she seems really down and sleepier than usual.

That last retort fills Hinata's thoughts to the brim and he decides that tonight is the night he's gonna get wasted.

It's not really his fault, he thinks, even thought it's all his. Girls are _stupid_ , girls are a _mystery_ and girls aren't worth _anything_. He growls, pushes a glass of whiskey towards some client, ignores Komaeda, pushes shaved ice into a tall cocktail glass, ignores Komaeda, shakes a margarita, ignores Komaeda some more, gets into an argument with Kuzuryuu, acts like a cynical asshole and lets – _forces_ \- Ibuki to take the rest of his shift. It's not much really, it's already a little past 1 am but the business is full-swing so she complains and he starts bitching in a way that only he can.

Hinata asks Souda to give him the cheapest bottle of Jack Daniels', throws him a wad of cash to cover for the expenses, stabs the knife he's been handling with shaking fingers into a cutting board, drops the black apron and swims through the crowd, searching for a free table because, _god no,_ he's _not_ sitting with Komaeda who's looking at him with expectant eyes. Anything but _that._

The bar is way too crowded, the noise is far too high, air smoky, and Hinata would like a whip of fresh air to blow in this heated, cramped space. The bar is pretty much overflowing that night, all of the bar-stools occupied, and Komaeda, obviously not finding enough space in front of the rowdy bar to make himself comfortable at to stare at Hinata's ass, picks out a table close enough to the said bar so that he can still observe the bartender working.

Hinata feels hopeless and vaguely thinks about taking the bottle home with him and loving it tenderly until there's no more left to drink, but Komaeda smiles his best killer smile and nudges the chair before him so it slides out of the place - a silent invitation for Hinata to sit down. Hinata thinks that he's acting like an immature child, thinks that he's _done_ with the drama  and other bullshit for one night, so without much thought, he finally gives in. He flops down onto the chair and unceremoniously places the bottle on the table with an audible bang, sinks even lower into the chair. He looks at Komaeda through the dark glass not wanting to see that face. Ruffled white strands poke out from the sides of the bottle.

Komaeda's laugh is a sinful whisper, barely audible over the shitty thunderous music in the background and Hinata knows that he's truly acting like a kid and that he can't really run away from this forever. He straightens up in the chair, tries to regain some of his non-existent dignity and looks at the white-haired man, gazes meeting dead on.

"Would it be presumptuous of me to say that you had a really bad day?" is all that Komaeda says. It takes one glance at Hinata's sour expression and he knows what's up.

Hinata says nothing just uncorks the bottle with an experienced movement of his fingers and raises the bottle slightly. "Care for a drink?"

"I'm good," Komaeda whispers, eyeing the bottle distastefully and pointedly sipping at the red wine he's come to love. Hinata makes a face. Wine has always been disgusting to him, far too sour or bittersweet, and he has no idea how Komaeda can drink that shit. _To each their own_ , he shrugs, takes a sip from the bottle and the burn makes him relax. Not quite silence settles over them. It's a little awkward as Hinata keeps nursing his bottle and Komaeda swishes the red liquid in his glass. They don't look at each other and the tension is getting thick.

Komaeda looks uncomfortable, opens his mouth and then closes it as if he's not drunk enough to do this, or say this, or whatever - Hinata doesn't really _care_ and hides a smirk behind the bottle. Not so brave when the object of your affections is right in front of you, eh?

"Hinata-kun, I—"

Hinata just waves a hand, his vision already unfocused. "Look, just save it. I don't wanna hear this. I simply came here because you oh so politely invited me and the place is packed. Imma finish up here and go home. Everything is fucked today; I don't really want to deal with this, so shut up and let me get drunk off my ass in peace."

Komaeda's eyes flash hurt again and Hinata wants to say something, apologize for acting like a total dick. He doesn't even realize it when he does just that. "Alright, 'm sorry. I had a really bad day. Whatever." He sips again, thoughts no longer really in line.

Komaeda seems determined, and Hinata realizes that he's gonna spill all of his darkest innermost secrets to this man tonight whether he wants to or not. He's a bit shocked when he realizes that he doesn't care as much as he should. Alcohol is a satanic piece of work.

"So what happened that you're out _here_ , trying to drown yourself in this?" The white haired man is straight to the point, no dicking around the subject - a quality that the shorter man realizes he appreciates.

Hinata waves an index finger in front of his own eyes, following it with his gaze in order to focus a bit better. It doesn't work so he rubs his forehead instead. "Girls happened, that's what…"

Komaeda looks a bit dissatisfied as though Hinata just said something _vile_ but it's soon replaced by a small smile that he wouldn't like _at all_ if he didn't have a considerable amount of booze flowing in his system.

"I wouldn't be too far off if I guessed that a break up happened…?"

"Damn right. Though…though it wasn't really one? Because we weren't really dating?" Komaeda's smile just widens with every word but Hinata's too far gone to notice and keeps on sipping the drink, no longer feeling the taste. "She's someone… I randomly asked out sometime ago. I dunno – don't ask _why_ , I just did. Wasn't really think—thinking at the moment." He goes down the memory lane, remembers _everything_  clearly enough and Nanami pisses him off so much but he's not sure why. _Everything_ pisses him off - from his stupid co-workers to the stupid bar, to the god-awful drink, to Komaeda's sexy _sexy sexy_ … sexy _everything_. That guy is a sin and he should be banned.

So he spills. Komaeda plays him like a puppet on the string and some part of Hinata knows that, yet he still tells him everything. About Chiaki, about his dumb co-workers, about his fucked up life. The man knows what questions to ask without sounding too suspicious, knows when to keep quiet and sigh at the right times, knows exactly when to hold Hinata's hand when the brown-haired man gets too emotional.

Komaeda finds out that Hinata Hajime is twenty-four. He also finds out that the bartender got kicked out by his parents when he barely eighteen, flunked out of college because he could no longer pay for it - _living here is just too fucking expensive with no one to help you out_. He finds out that Hinata has crashed at his friends' places more times than he could count until one person asked Hinata to work at the bar owned by his family. Learns that Hinata has only recently managed to scrape up enough money to get a half-decent apartment in the better part of town. He finds out that Hinata asked out his best friend since high school because he's been trying very hard to avoid someone he likes _very much_ and his friends have advised him to not go for that person for obvious reasons. Komaeda finds out that person is a guy and that Hinata no longer wants to go through the same gay panic he's went through back in sixth grade after a boy kissed him under the bleachers and he had enjoyed it far more than he was supposed to.

"How's it bad? If you like someone, you should be honest with yourself. You need to have hope that that person will like you in return, Hinata-kun. Trust me when I tell you this - a lot of the times having at least some hope can save you," Komaeda says wisely, his smile out of place. By now they're sharing each other's breathing space, Hinata reeking of alcohol and his cheeks on fire.

"It—it's not going to work out," Hinata whispers over the heavy bass music and his eyes roam the pale face in front of him. Komaeda leans a bit closer and Hinata doesn't back away.

"How would you know that without trying it first? Someone as amazing as you should not be afraid to try things out. You could be wrong; you do know that, right?"

"I just know, okay...? It—it's not good for me. T-that person is… not the right one for me and I shouldn't… think of y—of him that much," Hinata says, tongue-tied, and peels the bottle from those thin fingers. Somewhere along the line he's began sharing it with his companion. There's barely anything left.

"I'm sure that that person won't reject you, Hinata-kun. In fact, I think that he'd be glad - more than happy - and would probably take you home with him." Komaeda's smirk is mischievous, but Hinata still doesn't get it, alcohol clouding his better judgement.

"Bu-but I've never… you know. How can you even ask m-me… when I never…" His face turns vermilion and Komaeda can practically _feel_ the heat radiating from that tanned skin. Hinata struggles with his next sentence, so the white-haired man offers him some help.

"Never had sex with a man?" Komaeda finishes for him and places his fingers on top of Hinata's, lingering far longer than it should be comfortable. He smoothly takes the bottle away and sips on the remaining liquid. The brunet blushes even darker and waves his hands in front of Komaeda's smug face as if afraid that someone might hear them.

"Shhh—don't say that out loud! I—I… don't really know what to do. Wh-when it comes to love and… and stuff. I don't know what to do… I had no idea what to do for a month now, that person throws me off… he's different. The way he looks, I know that you—" Hinata doesn't even notice his slip of tongue and Komaeda grins, glad that the other has finally cracked. "Only want to get into my pants and I—I'm not sure what to say to him, because you only like what you see."

He mumbles now, some sort of incoherent nonsense, and the white-haired man thinks carefully about what he should say next, the possible outcome to every little thing he might say, but then Hinata is way too close, closer than a second ago and almost brushes his lips against the other's. Needless to say, all of Komaeda's coherent thoughts fly out the window in a second. Hinata steadily breathes against his lips and his honey-hued eyes are clouded with want.

"I really really like y-you."

Those words send a bolt down the back of Komaeda's spine as the smooth warmth brushes against his lips once again and he's really fucking hard again, for what seems an nth time since Hinata decided to join him - he doesn't really know the exact number because he's lost count and ignored it. The last of Komaeda's self-restrain disappears as if it's never existed to begin with and he drawls out against Hinata's lips, honey-coloured eyes glistening with unmasked lust.

"And I really _really_ want to take you back home with me right now, Hinata-kun," he groans, not bothering to cover up the true meaning of his words to make them sound less suggestive. Komaeda can't hold on any longer, he's been chasing the brunet for a month now, he's constantly put up with the loud atmosphere that he hates more than anything, with people he's not sure he wants to see anymore, and now he has him, he's finally cracked through Hinata's defenses, he's gotten the other boy to _like him_. This sort of outcome is way better than the best of his indecent thoughts, improper dreams, and the feeling is completed by the fact that this is real, this is actually happening. He'll gladly get down on his knees and beg if he must. All he wants is to just get the hell out of this cramped place, find some peaceful corner and finally fuck Hinata senseless. The urge to violate, to conquer overtakes the best of him.

"But I don't know how to. I…"

"It's alright, Hinata-kun, don't worry about that right now. I'll teach you, someone like you will master it in a second, just _please_ ," Komaeda breathes it out against the shall of the brown-haired man's ear and Hinata shivers against him. "Let's get out of here."

Hinata turns quiet for a moment, but then he grabs onto Komaeda's jacket and laughs dryly. "You're trash, Komaeda. Taking advantage of a guy wh—who is drunk and doesn't… know what he's getting himself into. T-This better be worth it… you better show me something I've never seen before," the man finishes and blows hot air into Komaeda's ear, mimicking the other. It's almost enough for him to lose it completely right here, right now - slam Hinata on this small table and simply ravage him in front of all these people. But alas, that's not an option, so he firmly grabs the other's wrist and drags him out of the bar with lightning speed, the wide eyes of Hinata's coworkers located on the other side of the stuffy bar following the pair all the while.

Through a thick veil of intoxication, the more sober part of Hinata realizes that he's just signed a deal with the devil and that he is fucked - in more ways than one. And unfortunately for him there will be no exits to escape though in order to avoid what awaits in the very near future.

* * *

 

Komaeda can't wait for them to get back home and he's more than pleased when he finds out that his partner for the night is sharing the sentiment. However, it's enough for them to round one corner before Hinata seizes his wrist in a vice-like grip and manhandles the taller one to a darkened alley. Before Komaeda can register, those arms lock around his pale neck and he melts into the shorter one's lips. His hands roam over the thin yet toned form of the brown-haired man and when he pushes one hand behind the black button-down shirt, Hinata quivers against his lean frame and grinds their hips together. A mutual groan of pleasure escapes them and Hinata pulls away to breathe, all rosy lips and thin trails of saliva. Komaeda doesn't let him catch his breath - this is it, this is what he's been waiting for and presses their lips again, licking the inside of the smaller man's mouth, tasting the lingering Jack Daniels' on his tongue.

He also tastes a pang of cinnamon and breathes in the scent that can only be descried as Hinata, and Hinata only - something sweet and citrusy, something that reminds the taller man of sunny days and the breeze of ocean. Komaeda runs the tip of his tongue against the ridge of Hinata's mouth and the boy moans deep in the back of his throat. It makes Komaeda weak in the knees, and those thin fingers wrap tighter in his unruly mess of pale hair in an attempt to get even closer as if it was physically possible. They're glued together chest to chest and Komaeda unwillingly makes some space so that he can at least touch the shorter one more. Hinata is reluctant to untangle himself, but then Komaeda runs his cool fingertips over the tanned chest and Hinata lets go with a sharp gasp. Their hips brush together again when Komaeda, without much thought, brushes his hand down Hinata's side, finds a hardened nipple and runs the tip of his thumb over it, drinking in the reactions.

Komaeda also finds out that Hinata, for all of his talk about being inexperienced, is incredibly lewd and shameless.

He's not shy, not one bit, as Komaeda had expected him to be and it's a pleasant surprise, a pleasant thought that he was wrong about his target for once. Maybe it's the alcohol talking. Hinata keeps slowly grinding against his thigh to create more friction, gets louder by the second and doesn't hold back any sounds that escape him. Hinata firmly guides Komaeda's hands where he wants them to be with an unwavering and steady grip. It's not until Hinata incoherently begs for his touch and guides his hand to the straining in his jeans that Komaeda somewhat snaps out of his lust-induced haze and backs away slightly to look at those glazed eyes.

"Not here, Hinata-kun…" he whispers lowly and Hinata's eyes brighten in an instant, eyebrows slanting into a frown. The lewd noises stop instantaneously, yet the shorter one is still breathing heavily.

"Are you _seriously_ backing out now?" he asks angrily, voice lucid. "After all of that trouble and all those promises you're seriously backing out—"

"No," Komaeda interrupts with some edge and places his lips against the other's. "No, how could you even think that? There's—"he kisses the boy's cheek, "no way that I would stop unless you want me to. It's only understandable that you would think that someone as unworthy as me isn't fit to be your first, Hinata-kun, and I absolutely cannot blame you! But I'm not lying to you, Hinata-kun!" Komaeda turns frantic and Hinata watches his pupils dilate. The taller one starts shivering. He holds Hinata's face in his damp hands and keeps kissing wherever he can reach and Hinata has to push that pale face away so that he can speak more clearly.

"Then what is this about?" he asks, voice suspicious. Hinata feels his head becoming a little clearer but he absolutely refuses to back out of this, as though he wants this as much as Komaeda, with or without any alcohol in his system.

"I don't want your first time to happen in a dirty place like this - you only deserve the best there is! I won't let you feel disappointment. I'll make it good, I promise. I'll do anything you ask me to, just say a word and I'll do it. Even the most degrading of things." The rushed kissing is back again and even as drunk as he may be, Hinata feels rather uneasy by this sudden change in the taller one's behaviour. Without much thought, he seizes the cool, damp face in his hands and pulls the frantic man in for a kiss, keeps him there, eyes closed. The tension dissipates from Komaeda's thin frame like poison being sucked out, the hyperventilation stops and he relaxes. When Hinata pulls away, he looks normal enough and his muddy green eyes no longer look… insane.

They hold each other for a moment, gazes roaming each other's face until Komaeda's breathing steadies completely. Hinata feels his chest warming with something that can't be lust no matter how he puts it. It's something hot, bittersweet, and surprisingly painful. It doesn't make him feel light, it doesn't make him feel like flying away as if he's some sort of helium balloon - instead it weights him down to the ground like a heavy scrap of metal tied to his ankles. The mood is ruined - he can tell that much - but his need, his lust are still insistent and refuse to go away until they're satisfied.

Komaeda's fingers brush against his cheek lightly, almost lovingly, and the look in his eyes is one of pure adoration when he whispers. "This is not what I meant… let's go to my place, Hinata-kun, where I can treat you properly. I meant what I said; this place is not suited for someone like you."

Hinata eyes him warily as if there is some sort of ulterior motive, looks into Komaeda's eyes intently but sees nothing there - no malice, no scheming looks that the man wears like the comfortable liar that he is. Hinata refuses the urge to ask the taller one what he _wants_ exactly - why is it all about _Hinata_ and not him? - but he cannot bring himself to do it because he knows that Komaeda won't give him a straight answer.

Hinata agrees because the coldness of the bricks is freezing his back off and the ridges of the uneven surface hurt his spine every time he moves against Komaeda's front. Plus this is only a one-night thing - his first night with someone of the same sex - so he thinks that it's better if the conditions to do this are the best. He doesn't know what waits for him, but Komaeda sounds so honest that he has no choice but to agree.

To seal the deal, Komaeda kisses him again in a heated way as if to get the mood up and going, and it works wonders. The previous haze is back in both of them and the weirdness of the white-haired man's behaviour is pushed into the back of their minds, and soon enough it's forgotten completely.

* * *

 

When they all but run - as uncomfortable as it is with an erection straining against your jeans - to Komaeda's car, Hinata takes a moment to appreciate it. He doesn't know all that much about them, but he's sure that if Souda saw it he'd be all over the sleek black surface as if it was a music video. Hinata quickly pushes that disturbing thought out of his mind and sits shotgun.

The inside is even fancier than the outside, all cream-coloured leather and a lingering smell of pine, but Komaeda looks indifferent. He doesn't brag, only starts the engine and Hinata gets slightly drowsy when they begin moving. He's always had a thing for falling asleep in moving vehicles after dark, but he determinedly rubs the sleep out of his glassy eyes and wonders where they're going and what he's about to do. He places a palm on Komaeda's leg just because he can and gently traces his inner thigh, avoiding the obvious strain in the taller one's pants that mirrors his own. Komaeda grips the steering wheel in a deathly grip until his knuckles shine white in the dim orange lights of the city, gaze focused on the road, avoiding looking at the tease beside him. Hinata thinks about what'll happen in just a few minutes, licks his chapped lips and lets his palm rest on the obvious line of the white-haired man's length. Komaeda tenses even more and slaps Hinata's needy hands away. When he speaks up, his voice quivers with such raw need that it sends another trail of excitement rushing down Hinata's spine, certain happiness that he is wanted, needed.

"Hinata-kun, if you don't stop that now we're going to crash and I don't think that I can keep focused if you—"

"Do what?" Hinata teases, because once again  _he can_ and brings his hand back to where it was, rubbing firmly. The taller one lets out a muffed moan and tries to shake Hinata's hand away, but the brunet slaps the pale thin wrist in return and keeps working his palm.

Komaeda doesn't argue this time and Hinata entertains himself for the rest of the ride watching Komaeda trying hard to stay focused. The way he bites his lip is endearing and the way his back arches slightly every time Hinata palms him in the right way boosts Hinata's pride. When they arrive at the better part of the town and Komaeda stops in front of a fancy looking apartment complex, Hinata only manages to think that Komaeda really is bathing in money, before all of his thoughts are shut down when Komaeda makes a leap towards him and those bruised lips are on his.

He doesn't know how they get to the taller one's place. All he manages to register - through a hazy mind and a flurry of hands and lips, touching, biting, groaning - is that this is most likely a penthouse and that the view from the windows - that reach all the way to the marble floor - is amazing. His back hits a leather couch and Komaeda settles on top of him. They are glued together like one entity ready to merge and the white-haired man mutters some quick half-assed apologies that he can't be bothered to reach the bedroom and that he needs this right here, right now. Hinata tells him to shut up and kisses him again.

Clothes fly left and right, and Hinata just doesn't care when their hips grind together. Komaeda is lean as a rail - the only thing that keeps him from looking breakable is his broad shoulder-line. Hinata loves it, he absolutely does. He scratches that pale back, wanting to leave as many marks as he can, as he slowly gets infected by Komaeda's possessiveness. The taller one bruises Hinata, bites his neck time and time again, sucks on the tan skin, leaves marks. The hickeys are going to be a pain to hide, but neither of them cares.

Komaeda dips his tongue into the shorter one's navel, enjoying the breathy sounds, drinking them in. Komaeda then racks his blunt nails down Hinata's sharp hips as he goes lower and thinks that this is all his - all of Hinata belongs to _him_. It's a territory no one has ever threaded before and he runs his tongue over the shorter man's length despite the weak protests and trashing about. Komaeda doesn't listen, cannot be bothered to listen, and is quick to fully take him into his mouth, ready to please, gives a particularly strong suck. Those fingers wind tightly in his hair and it fucking hurts because Hinata is strong, stronger than he looks anyways. It sends a shiver of excitement down Komaeda's spine - this pain is a good kind of pain, it tells him that he's doing great. He keeps those thin hips in place, carefully curls his tongue, hollows out his cheeks for good measure, stimulates, and it's not long before Hinata is pushing him away, muttering something along the lines of 'no' and 'don't'. The taller one just pushes those weak, weak hands away and lets Hinata release in his mouth, not spilling a drop.

It's gross, Komaeda vaguely thinks. His taste buds are offended because he _never_ swallows, but it's something of Hinata's and whatever Hinata's willing to give him - he'll take it without any complaints. He brushes a stray drop of pearly saliva escaping his mouth and doesn't give the other a chance to catch his breath. The man's moans are music to his ears and his walls are warm and tight around his fingers when he moves them experimentally, twisting. He carefully watches those honey-coloured irises hidden by a thick fan of dark eyelashes. The way Hinata writhes beneath him makes his fantasies pale in comparison to the real view. Komaeda loves the fact that he's doing this - he's is the one bringing the boy this pleasure, this pain, just as it is supposed to be. He shushes him gently when Hinata's heel digs slightly into his thighs and the smaller one asks Komaeda to take the digits away because it fucking _hurts_. Komaeda is too far gone to keep his promises and stop. He just keeps going until it gets better - more than better - and the boy stills beneath him, whimpers when the fingers are gone.

The taller one hesitates, but Hinata just locks his ankles around his back and squeezes in reassurance that this is okay and that he is giving permission. Hinata's eyes shoot open when Komaeda none too gently buries himself deep within, painfully hard and slick from the precum and lube, sighs in content. His eyes look insane again and Hinata shivers not from pleasure or pain but from slight fear. He's already forgotten how uneasy those icy cold stares make him. He studies the man's face through the sheen of tears gathered on his eyelashes.

Komaeda looks like he's found heaven on earth and he's wallowing in the glow of it, his body shakes and his smile is a tad bit of creepy. The man closes his eyes and focuses on the feeling, revelling in the heat around him. It sucks him in deeper and Hinata winces. The last bits of self-restrain shatter around him. He moves and he doesn't care if the smaller one hurts - an animal-like desire, a sense of accomplishment floods him. A part of Komaeda hurts, but he shoves it deep down and locks it away for a few minutes, but it breaks free. Komaeda sheaths himself as deep as he can and lines their foreheads together. Hinata has to close his eyes to get away from that stare that makes his guts freeze like he's being submerged in a bath full of ice cubes.

As long as he doesn't have to look into Komaeda's eyes, _this_ Komaeda's eyes, he's fine. He doesn't need to do it. Fear is soon chased away by the lust and the need to just fucking get off already and get this over with. Hinata fixes himself on the technical side trying oh-so-much to just feel. Komaeda moves fast and deep and Hinata daren't look, he just listens to the quiet laughter and occasional 'this is amazing; this is exactly what I've expected from you, Hinata-kun'. It's not until it turns quiet, too damn quiet, that Hinata risks a glance and Komaeda slows down into a painfully slow trust, loving and tender, presses their lips together. So many emotions flood the brown-haired boy that he's overwhelmed and he relaxes again. They settle into a calm tempo and cling to each other for dear life - they connect, and the night is ending far too soon than either one of them would like.

The release leaves both of them breathless and right before Hinata blacks out to the morning light, he feels Komaeda brush his damp hair away and whisper something he does not hear, something loving and sweet that makes him feel warm and safe.

It is the most perfect night Hinata Hajime has had in a very long time.

* * *

 

The next morning he wakes up to the sensation of cold brushing against his spine. Hinata's head feels like someone has taken a hammer and cracked the skull open a few times in a row. He doesn't risk moving around too much because the content inside his stomach is swishing rather dangerously. Hinata feels something fluffy and white tickling his nose and a certain dampness on his shoulder. He shields his eyes from the sun – god, why did this room have to be so fucking bright - and squints at the thin form of no one other than Komaeda Nagito, wrapped around him like a vine.

The man snores silently and drools all over his front, acting like a mini heater for the smaller man. Hinata studies that face and unwillingly admits that the man looks absolutely adorable when he's asleep, cheeks tinted pink and light reflecting on those pale eyelashes. Hinata moves his shoulder a little to rouse the man but he just yawns, clings to him tighter and doesn't look like he's about to let go. After a few more tries Hinata settles for elbowing Komaeda into consciousness and watches those green eyes open. He would laugh at the way Komaeda blinks one eye and then another, hair sticking out in random directions, if the situation wasn't so goddamned serious. He looks at Hinata as if he's a complete stranger that he's never met, but then relaxes.

"Ah, Hinata-kun, why did you do that… it's early." The way Komaeda flexes his back and yawns to get his point through reminds Hinata of a huge fluffy kitten and that hair doesn't help. He feels a pang of guilt when he notices the bruises he has inflicted last night shining on the milky skin, but it quickly goes away when his neck aches where it's been bitten too hard.

"Get off…" Hinata grumbles, because he's a grouchy douche in the mornings and that fact cannot be changed just because he's had amazing, mind-blowing sex. "For someone so skinny you sure weight a lot and you snore." The brown-haired man rubs his eyes and stifles a yawn. It's obvious that it's still early morning and that they haven't slept much. His headache is a fucking bitch and he knows that if he's to stand up he'll inevitably throw up all over Komaeda's pristine white carpet. His ass is sticking to the leather of the sofa and with a wince Hinata peels himself away.

The white-haired idiot sure makes a lot of pretty promises but when it comes to keeping them…

Komaeda keeps his weight on his elbows and looks at Hinata with wide eyes. "I'm sorry, did that wake you up? I'm sorry that someone like me has managed to wake you up with ugly snoring, I—"

Hinata just cuts him off before he can even start. He fixes Komaeda with a hard glare and points one finger into his face. "You _drool_. This is what woke me up."

The taller one opens his mouth again but Hinata's already working on slowly getting up without vomiting all over the floor. He spots his boxers on the floor near the sofa and he is quick to reach for them and slip them on. He ignores Komaeda's disappointed look when he stands up and reaches for his black shirt. Kuzuryuu is going to kill him if he shows up all ruffled.

The nausea is overwhelming. He wants to ask the man of the house where the bathroom is so that he can have immediate access to the porcelain toilet bowl the moment he inevitably doubles over, but Komaeda's thin fingers are tightly wrapped around his wrist, denying all movement. Eventually the nausea goes away, replaced by something else. Hinata looks down in confusion and Komaeda smiles as if he _knows_ , no words needed. He admires the contrast between the other's white complexion and the creamy surface of the sofa. Those eyes shine a dark forest green and Hinata feels his cheeks flushing in embarrassment. He pointedly refuses to look anywhere else but Komaeda's face - doesn't want to seem obscene and ogle that lean naked body - while the man continues tugging on his wrist and trying to make Hinata sit besides him. Hinata gives in.

Suddenly they're face to face and Hinata can't find it in himself to brush the other off. Komaeda is so beautiful in the morning's glow and his touch is tender along with the press of those cool lips. It's undeniably _nice_ and the small _'I love you, Hinata-kun'_ sounds pure even if it scares Hinata _shitless_ yet he doesn't run away.

They lie on the sofa together until inevitable comes and Hinata has to run all the way into the bathroom to empty his stomach. He keeps throwing up while Komaeda rubs soothing circles on his back and makes sure he drinks enough water.

Komaeda drives him home, pecks him on the lips right before Hinata gets out. It's an unspoken deal that this isn't the last time they'll be seeing each other.

* * *

 

No one says anything when Hinata goes to work that night.

Kuzuryuu looks downright disgusted and doesn't really approach him, his voice is colder than usual. Ibuki acts indifferent as though she hasn't seen him leave with his date but Hinata catches her staring with some sort of pitying look – since when is she capable to look like that? - in her indigo eyes. Souda looks a bit uncomfortable whenever they talk and his daily monologue about Sonia Nevermind's greatness isn't as enthusiastic as usual. He tenderly asks if Hinata has seen Nanami lately but the response is negative and they no longer talk about it. After a while the brown-haired man starts getting irritated at the subtle mentions of the pink-haired woman, still feeling a bit bitter, so Souda lets it go completely.

Komaeda's nowhere to be seen that night and Hinata doesn't really miss his presence nor does he feel like he should. Something in his gut keeps telling him that this isn't the end and he's not too surprised when Komaeda shows up exactly one week later at the same time and usual spot. He acts like nothing's happened and Hinata tries to ignore him as usual but fails miserably. They sometimes converse if the bar isn't too crowded and Hinata finds himself laughing at Komaeda's strange stories. They ease into this comfortable relationship, and Hinata begins to relax. Komaeda is a good guy, he thinks. A fun one to be around even if he still gets those creepy episodes. His laugh is beautiful, his body language is really animated, and after their rendezvous Hinata starts talking to him more openly, less forced. He becomes happier, too.

On the third day Komaeda finally asks for Hinata's phone number and Hinata gives it away without a second thought, ignoring the stares Souda and Ibuki shoot his way.

Lately all of them have been looking at Hinata as though they're feeling sorry for him and secretly thinking that he's stupid for playing with fire - though _a snake_ sounds more accurate in this situation, he'll inevitably _get bitten_ by it. Hinata realizes that he doesn't really care about what the others might think and finally understands Komaeda's persistence and crazy determination. As long as you're happy or having a good time everything's fine.

When Komaeda isn't there, Hinata's phone buzzes in the back pocket with missed messages that he quickly replies to whenever Kuzuryuu isn't glaring daggers at him. They chat about everything and nothing at the same time and make plans to go out. At first Hinata refuses those kinds of offers, still a bit wary, but when he sees Komaeda's pleading stares, he begrudgingly gives in.

His co-workers say nothing when Komaeda comes up to the bar and asks Hinata if he's ready to go after the end of his shift on a busy Friday night, even though it's already close to 2 am. Ibuki stares Hinata down as he leaves with the taller man and then they spend the night miles away from their hometown, watching the sun rising above the sea. Komaeda holds his hand and Hinata watches their feet sinking deeper into the wet sand with every tiny wave that washes over them. The water is cool, the wind is strong, but it feels good. He splashes Komaeda and gets chased down the empty beach, heels digging into the white grains, leaving footprints behind.

They're touchy-feely that morning and Hinata sleeps with Komaeda for the second time. It's even better than the first.

He skips work for one day.

When he cleans and mops the dusty floor - Kuzuryuu's punishment for skipping out to hang out with the 'albino fucker' even though Hinata tries to lie his way out of it and says that he's simply been feeling sick - Souda approaches him, reluctantly claps him on the back and congratulates Hinata on his new relationship. Hinata doesn't say anything back or come up with any excuses because he knows that Souda won't buy them.

Afterwards they let go of it completely and keep on ignoring the unwanted white-haired presence whenever it occupies a bar-stool in Hope's bar.

Hinata watches Komaeda's loopy smile and thinks that Souda's right - he's unknowingly started dating Komaeda Nagito. They are dating and it isn't _awful._

They are dating and somehow it doesn't feel _right._

* * *

 

Komaeda is a nice guy, is what Hinata likes to think. He's someone the girls consider 'eye candy' and would love to date him. Komaeda's polite, friendly, charming - truly the definition of a gentleman. He doesn't smoke and he's not an alcoholic - as a matter of fact the only type of alcohol he appreciates is most likely red wine, or so Hinata concludes after three weeks of being together. Komaeda is not the type of person who'd cheat on you with anyone else and devotes himself to you completely.

After three weeks Hinata can fully confirm that this blind devotion is what makes Komaeda Nagito completely fucking _insane_ and that his co-workers have been correct. Komaeda is nothing more but a beautiful lie and blatant manipulation wrapped around a rotten inside. And Hinata… well, he still most likely _loves him_ nonetheless. Even if, at times, Komaeda creeps him out to the point where he feels like staying home and not going outside unless it's vitally necessary. Sadly, hiding away is no longer an option because the man knows where Hinata lives and works.

The white-haired man is a possessive bastard who comes with jealousy and abandonment issues along with something _mentally messed up_  to complete the whole pack.

When Hinata finds out about Komaeda's family he thinks that there's no way that human beings can grow without any surfacing issues in that kind of environment. During the first week of their relationship, they spend most of their nights in Komaeda's apartment - which is indeed a penthouse, just like Hinata has suspected. The view of the city stretching out down below is quite amazing and breathtaking, and when Hinata exhales misty, warm fog against the glass, he secretly hopes that no one will look up at the windows - even though it's impossible to clearly see anything, he's still self-conscious. He leaves fingertip marks all over the chilly surface and Komaeda breathes into his ear - slow, ragged and _hot_. Hinata's reluctant when it comes to messing the other's place up, but Komaeda reassures him that he doesn't really care about it anyway and that he's allowed to do whatever he pleases. That night the window gets dirtied by sticky white and Komaeda all but picks him up and then they settle on the sofa, cuddle.

Komaeda reluctantly opens up when Hinata tenderly asks about his family and the apartment. For a while Komaeda remains silent and Hinata is sure that it's probably too _soon_  to discuss something like this - he's obviously threading a dangerous territory here - but then Komaeda tells him about them, about how he's always been pushed aside ever since he's turned five and that his parents haven't truly cared for him, valuing his father's daughter from the first marriage far more.

When Komaeda's been no older than nine, the aforementioned sister Junko has pushed him down a flight of stairs and Komaeda has hit his head and broken a leg. His parents haven't even shown up for a hospital visit and Junko has made herself clear of any suspicion by saying that Komaeda's been very mean to her and that he's been the one who has intended to push her. She's had to defend herself somehow. During teenage years he's had severe depression but once again he's been abandoned by his family. When he reaches that point in his story, Komaeda stops talking, no longer willing to give out any more details, a vacant look dulling those green eyes. Hinata knows that the other's leaving out something vital, but doesn't dare to push any further. This is obviously a conversation he doesn't want to continue.

At least he knows why the taller one keeps degrading himself so much. This sort of negativity is… There's no other way to put it…  it's sickening. Hinata himself is a negative guy, more on the paranoid side really, but Komaeda's just something else entirely. Even this girl Hinata has known back in high school named Tsumiki hasn't been that negative. Komaeda degrades himself to the level where he thinks that he isn't important and then clings to Hinata as though he's a lifeline.

That clinginess makes things between them worse. The concept of talking to others with Komaeda around has to be forgotten completely, because the icy glares the white-haired man shoots makes shivers travel down Hinata's spine. Whenever he gets too friendly with either Ibuki or Souda during work hours, Komaeda makes sure that Hinata gets a taste of the pent up anger later on. As great as sex with Komaeda is, the scratching and verbal abuse _aren't_. The madness that shines bright in those eyes chills him to the bone.

After a few days filled with utter surprise at this sudden change of events, Hinata starts fighting back. On more than one occasion, insults fly back and forth until either one of them backs down, but by the end of the day they still end up clinging to each other, everyone else forgotten. It's too damn easy to forgive Komaeda, Hinata decides. The man always looks like a kicked puppy, his lower lip trembles. The way he wraps his arms around Hinata's waist while he mutters that there's no one else like him, that no one else can _have him,_ and that he's sorry for acting the way he does, is more than Hinata can resist. He can't resist the constant string of 'I love you's because, _damn it_ , he's fallen for Komaeda, too.

They never fall into a habit of calling each other by their first names even though now they're officially together.

Hinata gets sick of the text messages and the missed calls during his work hours whenever Komaeda's gone and doing god knows what, not present in the bar and guarding him like a ferocious dog. If by any chance Hinata doesn't reply to all of the fifteen texts, another fifteen pile up, their content the same - _Hinata, you don't care and you aren't taking our relationship seriously_. He's a bit sick of constantly reassuring Komaeda that he likes him and loves him every three minutes, dealing with the suicidal texts or angry calls.

Eventually he turns off the phone and bitches about Komaeda, disses him out with Souda, but that fun is usually ruined whenever he leaves through the back door and finds the aforementioned man waiting for him, eyes gleaming eerily in the dimmed orange lights. They banter again and it always end up in angry sex that often involves wine-spilling, biting, backscratching and eventually one of them gets tied up. There's no cuddling involved afterwards.

He's glad that his other friends don't know about that dirty secret that goes by the name Komaeda Nagito, but that happiness is short-lived when the presence of Sonia Nevermind graces their dull bar. Immediately, at least five men offer to buy her a drink and let her sit down at the bar. Souda jumps around excitedly at every whim she makes and tries his best to make the most delicious drinks. She asks them to come to a party held in her mansion on the following Friday. Kuzuryuu refuses immediately and doesn't want to let them off the hook either because that wouldn't be fair, but Sonia quickly activates her princess-like power of authority and the short man reluctantly agrees to let them go for at least one night.

Normally, Hinata would've been more than glad to go - Sonia's parties are the best and he's made many great memories with his friends during them - but unfortunately, right at Sonia's left side, sits a very pissed looking Komaeda, glaring at the woman as if she's somehow personally offended him. Hinata knows that this cannot possibly end well but when her green eyes - that are too much like Komaeda's, except way warmer and sunnier - turn his way, sparkling with expectation, he still hesitates to say 'no'. Twin pairs of eyes drill holes into him and Hinata's quick to relent to the 'say no, tell her no' stare.

"I… I don't know, Sonia…" he starts with a heavy heart and a familiar poisonous anger swelling inside his heart. _Komaeda, Komaeda, Komaeda_ \- everything's always about that guy. "You see, I already have something planned…"

She looks upset. Her lip-gloss covered lips form a small 'o'. "Oh, I see… what do you have planned, Hinata? You never skip out on these tiny celebrations that we hold every once in a while."

Before he can answer it, Komaeda speaks up, voice cheerful, but there's an underlying coldness to it. "Ah, I am sorry to interrupt your conversation, but Hinata-kun… He's with me."

Hinata's about to lunge for the taller man's throat, ready to shake him or maybe punch him and tell him to shut up, stop acting like a selfish prick, while Sonia continues staring, highly confused. She pats her chin with one perfectly manicured nail and her eyes light up as she claps her hands together. "I see! How about you join us, uhh…" She tilts her head to the side - all cuteness and politeness like a true princess.

Souda looks like he's being buried alive and he shakes his head frantically, trying to silence the woman. She doesn't notice, her full attention focused on the stranger beside her, fingers interlaced.

"Komaeda," the tall man offers not too enthusiastically, eyes fixed on Hinata's own. Souda looks ready to bash Komaeda's head against the bar top for coldly treating his lovely Sonia like that, but before he can insult the other and start a fight, Sonia interjects. "Komaeda-san, would you like to accompany Hinata and join our party? You're more than welcome!"

"I don't think this is a good idea, Sonia, we probably shouldn't—" But before Hinata can finish that sentence, Komaeda speaks up with the sliest, fakest grin plastered on his face.

"It would be our pleasure, Sonia-san!" That voice drips pretend enthusiasm like poison and Hinata hopes that Sonia isn't actually naïve enough to fall for Komaeda's obvious manipulation skills. "Hinata-kun and l'll make sure to be there and we won't be late."

"Splendid!" The foreigner girl claps her hands together yet again, her smile so bright it's almost blinding. Hinata resists the sudden urge to tell the woman that she's being wrapped around that asshole's pinky finger, but holds himself back, the nerve in his jaw twitching. She just opens her purse and roams around in it but doesn't seem to find what she's looking for, a worried look etched on her pretty face. "I cannot seem to find my wallet. Souda, can you please—"

She doesn't have to finish the sentence when the man bows like some sort of butler and beams. "Of course, I will gladly pay for your drinks."

"I'll pay you back. I really did forget my wallet, silly me…" She shoots up from the stool and zips her designer purse that's probably cost more money than Hinata's monthly pay check. "I'm sorry! I guess I'll be seeing all of you at the party."

With that, she rushes out. Souda continues humming happily, fishing out his wallet from the back pocket of his black jeans.

Hinata's still in shock by the smooth outcome of things when he hears Komaeda's audible snort over the background noise. He glares at the man who looks at the stool that the blonde woman has occupied, swirling the usual drink inside of the glass. A sly smile is plastered on Komaeda's face. "I like her," he laughs in a mischievous way and sips on the dark red liquid. "She's had her wallet all along."

Hinata absolutely refuses to believe that Sonia would do something this cruel, dragging Souda around on a tight leash and making him take care of her expenses when she probably has enough money to buy a small country in Europe. Hinata figures that this is another pitiful attempt of Komaeda trying to get off the hook easily, so he huffs in return and places his palms on his hips, a storm brewing in his body. "Don't make shit like that up! Anyways, what the fuck was up with that? Not only do you find _immense joy_ in controlling my life, now you're going to try and butt into it, too? Who the hell do you think you are!?"

Komaeda's smile is gone as if wind has blown it away and his face turns blank when he fixes Hinata with an indifferent gaze. He sets his glass down on the dark wood bar top, expression menacing in the dimmed red lights.

"Hinata-kun, we need to talk once you're done with your shift."

Those are the words he dreads the most.

They fight again that night, but Komaeda still gets his way and goes to Sonia's party.

* * *

 

He doesn't know what's worse. The way they come out as a couple to all of Hinata's friends, the fact that despite Komaeda being a pretentious dick people still end up liking him, or the fact that Nanami… well, about her a bit later. Truth is that Hinata doesn't know what to do anymore. Komaeda expertly plays the world's greatest gentleman, and not even Souda - who eyes him like he's a piece of shit stuck to the back of his boot - can ruin that act. Komaeda's composed, well-mannered and he even manages to charm Mahiro Koizumi who trusts men about as much as she trusts snakes, and that in itself is a very huge accomplishment.

That night, Hinata realizes that Komaeda manipulates people as if it's his profession and it's almost impossible to tell where the honesty begins and the lies end if you haven't known him for a longer period of time.

It's good that he gets along with mostly everyone, so it could've been worse. When Hinata starts thinking that maybe this isn't so bad - despite Nanami's pointed stares and her not talking to him at all - Sonia's annual party games begin and Hinata's night goes from semi-decent to _worse._

He ends up wearing one of the maid outfits that Sonia's servants must wear and he's never felt more degraded in his whole life, especially when Saionji tells him what a pretty woman he makes. He curses out Souda in his mind because it's entirely his fault, and the fact that the number on Sonia's chopstick is way too similar to his. Then again, the magenta-haired man looks like he's ready to burst a vein from laughing hard and close to bleaching his eyes out for good measure. It doesn't help that Koizumi keeps snapping pics of him. It's good that all of them are drunk as hell, except for Hinata who stays away from alcohol or pretends to be drinking it.

The game keeps going and he watches Gundam trying to make his best chicken impression, ignores Komaeda's heated gaze and the way he keeps inching closer, pale face unnaturally red. Hinata plays with one of Gundam's hamsters as it tries to chew at the white ribbon of the maid uniform - god, why can't he change yet? - when Komaeda's suddenly in his breathing space, tongue hot on the shell of his ear. Hinata pushes him away with enough force to send him sprawling out on the floor and prays that no one has seen it. He's in luck because no one does, too busy guessing and yelling over each other. Hinata rises from the floor, shakes away a tipsy Saionji who keeps whining that he cannot take off the pretty French maid outfit because the game's still not over. He ignores her and walks down the many spacious corridors of Sonia's mansion in search for a calm place to change clothes before Komaeda manages to get it out of his pants and molests him in front of people who still don't know that they're together.

And he'd much rather have it stay that way.

Of course, when you wish for something good to happen, the exact opposite thing occurs. It's the only this world works. He finds a storage room that's as big as his own room to change his clothes at. It's not like it matters - he's not getting completely naked and it won't take long - but once he opens the door, he feels lean arms wrapping around his middle. He doesn't need to look back to know who it is.

"I think I told you to keep it in your pants until tomorrow."

Komaeda brushes the tip of his nose over his shoulder and Hinata, involuntarily, gets hot. "Everyone is busy with their little game; it'll be a while before they notice that we're gone." Hinata knows that it's true but doesn't say anything. "By the way, they're right… you look really good with this on. See? I can't keep my hands to myself!" As if to make a point one, of those hands slips under the thing that's most definitely _not a skirt -_  he has belts longer than that - and Hinata thinks, fuck it, it's not like he can deny that he isn't growing hard under the asshole's palm, only the thin material of his boxers separating them. Those too are pushed out of the way soon enough and all that Hinata can do is squeeze out a flustered,

"You're sick. Just h-how many disgusting kinks do you have!?"

"A lot," Komaeda drawls out against his ear and bites down. "And don't even try to tell me that you aren't enjoying this, Hinata-kun, because this," his thumb rubs over that sensitive spot on his dick and Hinata hates the guy for remembering every single detail that makes him week in the knees, "is telling another story. "

"You're a fucking asshole."

"Yet you're still here, Hinata-kun." The brown-haired man shivers and thinks that he's always hated the way his name rolls over the bastard's tongue like it's a piece of candy and he _knows_ that Komaeda's aware of that - that's why he keeps saying his name like this over and over again.

He's never exactly imagined that Sonia's party could one day end with him getting a blowjob in a supply closet. But fuck, this feels too good and he doesn't even care that this might be inappropriate because no one's coming over to look for them and Komaeda is just really fucking skilled with his tongue, so Hinata happily lets the other suck him off. He painfully bangs the back of his head against the wall he's leaning against and bites down on his lower lip, trying not to scream out in pleasure when Komaeda gets down on his knees - desperate and drooling, what a fucking slut. Hinata thinks that the hands settled on his ass and squeezing harshly feel pretty fucking good.

Until the door bursts open and fucking Sonia Nevermind stands in the doorway, face innocent as if she isn't sure as to what she's just seen. Hinata curses loudly and drags the poor excuse for a skirt low enough to hide Komaeda's fluffy mane. They must look ridiculous as shit and he nearly dies from embarrassment. They stand very still for a few painfully long seconds when there's a flash of a camera and Koizumi has all the evidence that she needs. Saionji's scream is shrill in his ears when the short woman howls that 'the drug dealer is ravaging their French maid'.

It's the absolute worst so he goes back to his assigned room, ears burning red with shame. Komaeda doesn't look one bit embarrassed like the concept of modesty is completely non-existent inside his head.

When Komaeda comes back to the room and lies down beside him, Hinata pretends that he's deeply asleep and hides under a blanket, but the barrier doesn't stop the taller one from reaching out and in the morning they wake up wrapped around each other like vines.

* * *

 

Hinata is sure that Nanami's reaction is the worst. Hinata's also certain that Nanami is a catalyst to all of his troubles. He doesn't blame her, it's not her fault, but he still can't help but think of his best friend like that.

In the morning, Komaeda says that he's got everything covered and that no one will bother him about this. True to his word, they do not. He's not sure what the white-haired man has said and done, but the others ignore the fact that they've found Hinata Hajime in a maid uniform getting a blowjob. In fact, they seem completely okay with it. Well… all but one.

Komaeda looks like he really is truly sorry about what he did last night and he even brings Hinata coffee as a sign of apology - perfectly brewed, just like the one he drinks every morning. They're about to have a calm conversation when there's an audible banging on the door. Komaeda looks just as confused as Hinata does, and when he opens the door, Hinata nearly spills the coffee on the carpet.

Before him stands Nanami Chiaki with her usual dazed expression, yet her eyes betray seriousness. The downturn of her lips show that she's angry. The room feels like hell freezing over when Komaeda stands behind him and glares at the intruder as if she's just spit on his face.

"Is there something you need?" The-white haired man's voice is sharp and icy, straight to the point, but the woman looks unaffected by it and stands her ground, meeting the hateful glare with one of her own. She looks _terrifying_ and Hinata would've never thought that the sweet girl he has known ever since childhood could look that menacing with that short height.

"…I'm here to speak with Hinata." The pause is still there and she glances his way. Hinata places the coffee on the glass table and stands. Komaeda ignores it.

"He's not feeling well. Come back later." It's said like an order, but Nanami doesn't even spare him a sideways glance.

"I don't think I was talking to you," she says curtly, pushes past him and grabs Hinata's wrist, eyes saying that no arguments will be allowed. "…Worry not, I shall not place any 'magical vagina charms' on him and I'll return him uninjured, right after we talk. _Alone._ " She looks over her shoulder and when Komaeda makes no move to leave, Nanami mutters a quiet 'well then', dragging the brunet into the hallway.

Hinata feels like he has swallowed a tub of ice cream in one go when he sees Komaeda's facial expression. Never has he seen the other so angered and irritated, downright murderous looking, and he swears he hears 'bitch' being muttered Nanami's way. She closes the door behind them with an audible bang. Hinata's not sure that he'll want to deal with whatever comes afterwards, but then Nanami all but shoves him against a wall when they're further away and pinning him down in place with the force of her stare.

There's an awkward pause. The man refuses to look her way, stewing in gnawing guilt. The pink-haired woman speaks up. "…I knew that you were desperate to get a girlfriend but I never would've thought that you're that desperate."

It sounds like an insult and he flinches back. "It's not that…"

"Then what is it? Why are you with him? Look, I'm not trying to say that I'm jealous - in fact, forget that one completely, because that thing between us isn't something to mourn over - but I am worried… I've talked to Ibuki-chan and Souda-kun… They've told me what he's like. They've told me what's really happening."

Hinata feels his anger rising. It's too early for this shit. "And what did they tell you, huh? That he fucking beats me or some shit? That he's a creepy stalker who doesn't let me talk to others without supervision? Did they say that he's some sort of psychopath and that I am _absolutely fucking insane_ for considering the possibility to—"

"First of all, I would like you to stop shouting because there is no need to get riled up like this. I didn't even finish my sentence." Her frown is deep and her voice is high-pitched. "Second of all, _yes_ , I've heard _some things_ , but no one thinks of him as some crazy psychopath who cannot tell love and obsession apart. True, he does need medical care and –"

"He's not a fucking psycho." Hinata tries his best to keep his voice down, the sudden urge to protect Komaeda too strong. What do they know about him? They know nothing, but then again, does Hinata really know the man himself…?

"Again, I am not saying that. I just want to tell you that what the two of you have been through is the exact definition of an unhealthy relationship and that he needs to relent, because this is hurting both of you. I don't really care about him - well, I kind of do, because he's got lots of problems - but I care for you _more._ I truly do. You're my best friend, Hajime, and I want you to be happy. I want us to be able to converse without someone giving you shit for it. "

She places a palm on her chest and she looks so sincere – he can tell, because she doesn't really use his first name - at that very moment that it takes Hinata all he has in him to not break down from all of that pent up frustration and hug his best friend senseless. There's a reason why they've stuck close together for so many years. She doesn't wan't anything bad to happen to him and his… truly _unhealthy_ relationship. She wishes all of the best for Hinata, and for, that he's grateful. The woman is smart and has a level-head.

"I thought that you would hate me…" he squeezes out and rubs the tip of his nose to stop that very random urge to cry on Nanami's shoulder. You could almost see the question marks above her head as she tilts it to the side and blinks. "…huh? Why would I ever hate you? You're the one who's refused to talk to me, and I guess now I know the reason behind it. " Her eyes cloud and she crosses her hands across her chest.

"Just… forget it, it's nothing. Thanks, Chiaki… I'm alright now."

"…It's a pleasure to help. Are you sure you're feeling well, though? You look a bit pale," she leans in close and inspects his face more closely. Hinata can't stop shivering when Nanami's words finally sink into the back of his mind.

His relationship, this thing between him and Komaeda, is truly twisted and he's barely noticed. He's tried to overlook the obvious pointers that this isn't okay - from the bombarding with text messages to the possessive behavior, to… To the murderous looks Komaeda has given his best friend just because she wanted to talk to him in private. Either something or rather someone has to change or this should just… end.

"Yeah. I've just realized some things. Thanks for that… Again."

She looks like she fully understands and doesn't question it any further. "…I hope you'll find the resolve to talk to him about this. Don't let him throw you off; it's what people like him are good at. Keep calm and everything is going to work out." She pats his stiff shoulder tenderly and fixes the straps of her backpack. "Now that that's settled I will take my leave. It was nice finally talking to you and I hope to see you soon, Hinata-kun. My door's always open if you're up for some video games." She smiles at that and Hinata smiles back, knowing that this is her best offer. He says his goodbyes and watches her pad away and disappear behind the corner of the royal-like hallway.

Without much thought, Hinata takes off back to the room where Komaeda waits for him, more than ready to talk to the taller one and settle things between them.

* * *

 

The scary thing about Komaeda is that when he gets seriously annoyed, instead of raging and more-than-willing to smash stuff like Hinata, he's eerily calm. The smiles that he sends Hinata's way are toxic, wavering. Much to his surprise, this time Komaeda doesn't dive in head-first into the details, doesn't attack him with obnoxious questions or cling to him. In fact, he doesn't cause any kind of scene. He's more serene than normal, the only things betraying that things are, indeed, not okay are his glassy eyes and the painful upturn of pale lips. Hinata swears that he's heard Komaeda mutter under his breath something along the lines of 'the bitch thinks she can do whatever she wants' and 'she should just die already'.

'Minus ten points to you, asshole.' Hinata thinks bitterly, anger swelling up, waiting to get unleashed. They've left Sonia's mansion at record speed without even saying goodbye to anyone.

The car ride's quiet and Hinata keeps shooting secret glances the driver's way only to see that his eyes are still stormy, reflecting Hinata's own. He couldn't wait to get home, and before the car can stop completely, Hinata's quick to get out, tapping a foot impatiently on the sidewalk. The taller man joins him a few seconds later and this would normally be the part where they either kiss or say their goodbyes, the part where Hinata invites him inside, but neither scenario happens. With one last sigh, the brunet gathers all of the courage he has left, closes his eyes and speaks up, running a shaky hand through his messy hair.

"You know, I…" There are a number of things he wants to say - _'I don't think this is going to work out. This is not working out; you're ruining everything, why are you so fucked up? Why is this so hard to say? Why does it hurt to say it in the first place? Why can't you see?'_ "I think we need some time apart," he finishes lamely and doesn't dare to look at the other's face. He doesn't know what to expect - tears, the usual clinginess, shouting, maybe anger. Maybe a punch thrown his way.

However, none of that comes. He reluctantly looks at Komaeda's face, only to find it blank, void of any kind of emotion. The heavy silence keeps stretching until the words finally sink in like knives into the flesh.

"I knew it," is all he says, voice dead.

"I… you did?" Hinata doesn't dare to willingly believe that this can go smoothly. Nothing ever goes smoothly with _Komaeda_.

And, indeed, it doesn't. Those dead eyes look at him and the taller one's fists clench tightly. "What did she tell you? What did she say to you?"

"I—"

"She made you do this, right? It's all her fault, right, Hinata? It is always her and her," Komaeda's voice gets louder with every passing second, body shaking all over. A smile that is so, so out of place tugs at his lips. A mirthless laugh escapes him as Komaeda brings his hands to his face, staring at them intently. They're trembling.

"I don't understand, what are you—"

"It's always someone else, it's always you. Then again, what should I expect in return from a human such as yourself when I'm nothing more but trash, undeserving of your attention, of your love. You'd rather give it to someone who's your equal, right? Someone who treads the same ground as you even though she's a filthy nobody who just happens to shine more brightly than the worms like myself on the ground, attracts more attention—"

"Stop."

"I understand why you'd choose someone like her! I really do, b-but— but she's undeserving of you, Hinata-kun, she doesn't understand you like I do. Even though I'm not worthy of anything you've given me, I value it far more than that trash does. It's _me_ that you need, me alone, not some nobody. You need someone who can stay by your side, someone who can love you unconditionally." The insanity, the darkness in those eyes is captivating and he can't seem to escape. Komaeda's quick to move in close and seize his wrists in a cool grip, hard enough to leave bruises. Hinata struggles weakly to test it, but it just grasps tighter.

"No, it has nothing to do with her. I'm doing this for myself, let go."

"I was there when you needed someone, Hinata-kun, I was there to keep you steady, and yet… Yet you still choose _her_ over me."

"Let go."

"Don't disappoint me; please don't disappoint me like you did today. Even though I'm nothing, you still love me. You still feel it." The anger is soon replaced by desperation and gradual sadness. Hinata has to forcefully wrench his arms away even though that proves to be a quite a difficult thing to do since the two of them are equal in strength.

"Komaeda, shut up," he hisses and the other makes a strangled noise between a sob and a hack yet keeps his mouth shut. "I'm going to tell you this _once,_ so you better fucking listen up and listen to me well. And _don't_ interrupt me. This has nothing to do with Chiaki, and no, don't fucking look at me like that, because it's the truth. She's my friend; a concept that I've seemed to have forgotten, after I surprise, surprise - started seeing _you_. I can't spend three minutes without feeling like you _own me_ ; I can't say a word to my friends. If I wanted someone to control every single thing in my life, I'd still be living with my parents, but as I can see that concept eludes you." He doesn't mean to sound so harsh, but it has to be said and done.

Komaeda looks like he's downright ready to die, but the anger Hinata has kept inside for more than a month is finally overflowing. "I may love you as fucked up as you are, I fell in love with you somewhere along the line, and I was willing to not notice this or call you out on it, but… I'm not sure if anyone's told you this before -  maybe they haven't because you fucking scared them away before they could even get a chance - but you got some serious mental issues and you ought to see a specialist. And I'm not saying this for the sake of being a complete dick, but from the goodness of my heart. I just fucking can't deal with your issues - you have to deal with them yourself instead of piling them on my shoulders by ruining everything for me. I tried to help you, Komaeda, I really did, but you constantly pushed me away. Get your shit together, and once you do, maybe then we can work around this. But for now… we need to go our separate ways and it'd be for the best if we didn't see each other for a while."

Hinata is breathing heavily, chest weighed down yet light at the same time, like a burden has been taken off his aching shoulders. He feels content with himself until he notices the glazed look that Komaeda is giving him. The man's jaw is slack and those eyes shine with so much hurt and betrayal. He seems so damn broken, as if Hinata has just ripped his heart out, pulsing and alive, squeezed it, and then threw it on the ground only to stomp on it. He might as well have done just that because Komaeda is sure it would've stung less.

The white-haired man breathes out, slow and ragged, and bites back the overwhelming sadness that's ready to choke him.

"You have no idea just how much I adore you. It's wrong and disgusting, but it's honest." He places a hand on his chest and squeezes right where his heart beats, so hard that his knuckles turn white. "It's pure and I am not selfish."

Hinata feels his jaw dropping at that. Just how much of his speech has gotten through that thick head of his? He laughs incredulously at that. "You're such a comfortable liar, aren't you? Saying that you're not selfish… I've never seen anyone more possessive than you. But sure. Keep thinking that, it's none of my business anymore."

It's enough to say that one phrase to make hell break loose. The taller one loses his usual dignity and pleads, begs, while Hinata tries very hard not to think about the angry looks the passersby send their way. His face heats with shame.

"Hi-Hinata-kun, come on! Don't… don't say that. Just say the word and I'll try to make things right again. I'll do anything just— just please don't walk out on me. I've never loved anyone like this." Komaeda looks close to tears and he's almost hyperventilating, pupils dilated. "I'll die. I'm going to die without you! I need you t-too much."

Hinata sees that Komaeda's taking drastic measures to make him stay, resorting to new tricks and what hurts the brunet the most is that he's not willing to let go as the white-haired man keeps trying to talk himself into believing that this cannot be happening - that this fragile thing they have between them has finally broken. Hinata pities him, he really does, but he tries not to get swayed by any of it, Chiaki's ringing words clear inside his head.

_This is what they're good at. This is Komaeda's specialty. Lying. Not saying the truth._

He is such a comfortable liar.

"Stop. Stop, Komaeda, you're making a scene."

"I don't fucking care!" the glare he shoots him is scary to say the least and Hinata flinches back, but it turns teary in seconds. "They can think whatever they want, those ordinary people. What do they know? You're better than the rest of them. They will never appreciate you like I do. I love you. _I love you._ So please don't walk away, Hinata-kun. My Hinata-kun, my _Hajime_ —"

It hits like a lightning bolt from clear skies and Hinata pushes the man away, turns around and runs like a coward, because if he stays there, then all of this will be for naught. It's going to be over and nothing will change. He makes distance between them and turns on his heel to shout,

"Don't you even dare to follow me. Just fuck off already!"

Komaeda lets his extended arm down and wraps his arms around himself, shakes like a leaf on unsteady legs, but doesn't follow. Their eye contact breaks when the taller one looks down at his reflection on the distorted surface of a small puddle near his black sneakers. Hinata stares for a moment, thinks that _this is it_ , he's finally broken the single person he's ever loved like this and start running again, hot angry tears threatening to spill from his eyes but they never do. He feels like a bird that has just flown out of its cage after being kept in it for so long, but just like a bird he also feels a certain longing to return to the master who's shown kindness to it.

His legs pad harshly against the pavement and his breathing turns ragged but he doesn't stop. He wants to go back, but he cannot because he's had to fuck this up in order to go back to his normal life. This will be better for the two of them.

* * *

 

His friends are his anchor. He stays at Nanami's place for the next five days just in case Komaeda decides to look for him. His phone is turned off and his mood is shitty but the pink-haired woman makes it better. They crash on the sofa together, eat copious amounts of junk food, play video games. Nanami tries to tell Hinata that Komaeda was a dick to begin with and therefore undeserving of his time, makes some bad jokes about it to ease the mood, and then they go back to their TV shows. She goes to work at the game shop and Hinata calls Kuzuryuu, tells him that he won't be coming to job for another two weeks or so because he's sick. The apartment is small and girly, but it's nice. He lazes around all day doing nothing. It gets boring, sure, but it's better than being alone. He cuddles Nanami's pet rabbit Usami and the bunny develops a certain connection with him. Hinata runs his fingers through the soft white fur and tries not to think about how it reminds him of Komaeda.

He doesn't succeed.

Nanami comes home to the sight of Hinata sleeping with the bunny nestled on his face, stifles a laugh, and shakes her friend awake for another round of video games.

Five days later Hinata finally gathers the courage - after a lot of pressure from Chiaki - to turn on his phone and check it. It's flooded with missed calls and text messages from his friends, but surprisingly - none from Komaeda. He doesn't know if he's relieved or worried.

There's a single voicemail, but he deletes it without listening, along with Komaeda's phone number. He can't delete it from his memory, though.

He leaves the woman's place with an even heavier heart. His apartment is cold and uninviting, there's dust gathered on the table and Hinata thinks that maybe he needs to get a pet just like Nanami. He decides against it when he remembers that it's a huge responsibility and cleaning after it is a lot of work, or so he thinks after all of those stories he's heard from Gundam. Not to mention Hinata has heard that animals can die from loneliness.

He wonders if he can, too.

* * *

 

Hinata's quick to change his mind and decides that he should go to work the next week. People treat him like they usually do, like nothing has changed and Hinata remembers that they don't know what has happened. Nobody knows what's happened between him and the white-haired man. Kuzuryuu even looks happy when he sees that there's no pale hair sticking out anywhere and gives Hinata a longer break for no reason. He watches Mioda juggle the bottles and fill the glasses before her with without spilling a single drop. The small crowd gathered around the bar applauds and she bows theatrically, thanking them for witnessing 'The Super Duper Amazing Ibuki Show'. She gets bigger tips than the rest of them that evening, but Hinata doesn't care, keeps checking his phone out of habit. Nanami texts him a few times to make sure he's alright, but he doesn't bother to put much into his responses, settling for simple 'yeah' and 'ok's. Ibuki eyes the phone suspiciously and sniffs the air.

"Ibuki's nose may not be good, but I can smeeeeell distress coming from you! Also Ibuki fails to hear any buzzing of tons and tooons of missed messages. What's up, Hajime-chan? Where is your one-man weirdo exhibition?"

Before Hinata can open his mouth and say anything, Souda comes up to them and points somewhere behind his back. "Code Douchebag, target spotted right there."

Hinata freezes up in his spot and feels weak in the knees, ready to throw up. His co-workers study his face closely and Souda holds him up in case his legs are to give out completely.

"Hajime-chan is all pale like fresh snow, is it because of Mister Weirdo over there?"

"Seriously, man, you don't look so good." Souda shakes him a little and Hinata keeps looking at the space between them, honey-hued eyes wide. "Is that guy giving you trouble? I can go and talk to him if you want." He says that, but the slight tremor in his voice betrays the fact that the magenta-haired man wants to be nowhere near Komaeda's table.

Before Hinata can come up with any valid response, Ibuki brings Kuzuryuu into the mix and the short man fumes angrily. "What the fuck happened? " He looks over the crowd and Hinata doesn't need to say anything more. "Oh. That retard. Why am I not surprised. If you want you can leave early today." The three of them gape at their blond boss as if he has grown another head or started spewing fire. Kuzuryuu never lets people leave early unless the excuse is really fucking convincing. Ibuki even lets out a small 'wow'. The man just ignores them. "I can see that something went down and will I be wrong when I say that your sudden absence is all because of that guy?"

"I-"

"Don't fucking stutter like a little bitch. Yes or no?" Kuzuryuu stands straight as an arrow and he's fucking intimidating, don't ever let the kid-like features fool you.

"Yeah. It's not like—"

"Save your fucking life story for someone who cares, and that person sure as hell ain't me. You _lied._ Cleaning duty for the rest of the month. And now get your ass out of here before he swims all the way here looking for you. Settle whatever issues you got, I don't need any more of the creepy vibe, got that? Good. Out of my sight." The short male all but pushes him through the backdoor and into the other room where they keep their spare booze and leave their stuff for the night. With a sigh Hinata take of his apron and thinks that this is probably for the best.

* * *

 

Komaeda keeps showing up, but doesn't approach Hinata, just keeps staring him down from the distance like Hinata is something that he cannot reach out to. It feels like they're back at the start with Hinata serving the drinks and trying to ignore Komaeda, while the said man sits and sips his wine. When their eyes meet there's a certain pang of guilt in his stomach and a longing clenches his heart but he waves those thoughts away. Back to strangers.

Hinata breaks a glass and cuts up his palms, small pieces of shards sticking in the reddened flesh, droplets of crimson oozing to the floor. Kuzuryuu kicks him out and instructs Ibuki to fix him up. When he emerges, the white-haired man is gone.

Two weeks later Komaeda disappears completely and the bar just no longer feels the same.

* * *

 

A few more months pass. Weddings happen that Hinata reluctantly attends. Relationships and breakups, new friendships, new meetings. Kuzuryuu is a dad now and Hinata can't believe that he's still stuck in the time he's spent with Komaeda. Can't believe that he's stuck in the time when they've went to the sea side and watched the sunrise together. He remembers the feeling of the wet sand covering his feet to ankles and the way the light has reflected off the taller one's pale hair, the salty breeze, the laughter, the feeling of their fingers laced together. It's like feeling homesick.

He misses him.

And a tiny part hopes that Komaeda misses him, too.

* * *

 

Eventually Hinata decides to move on. What good will it do, staying in the past with someone whom you've dated for barely a month. Koizumi wisely says that first love is etched into your mind forever. Hinata hopes that she is wrong.

When he turns twenty five, he quits his job at Kuzuryuu family's bar. Sonia throws a goodbye party that, surprisingly, everyone attends. Hinata thinks that it's a bit stupid and unnecessary - it's not like he is moving away. He's just got himself a new job with a better pay and more decent work hours, but the blonde woman says that it's vitally necessary to say a proper goodbye to the first normal job that they've tried so hard to find. Ibuki cries into his shoulder and says that she's going to miss juggling whiskey bottles with him and even Kuzuryuu looks like he gives a damn. Well, half a damn, at least, but that's a lot. The short man watches his son crawling around on Sonia's plush carpet while Ibuki plays with him and coos over how cute the little boy is. Hinata thinks that the kid really is cute, when he's not crying. He's a perfect copy of his father, but his eyes are dark red just like his mother's. Hinata has never come to like little children, but when he looks at the warmth in the Kuzuryuu's eyes, he feels a pang of envy.

He leaves the party right before midnight.

Hinata thinks that compared to his experiences in the bar this new job is boring, but as long as the pay is good, he is willing to put up with all kinds of shit. This has been his resolve when he's decided to work at the bar, too. He has a hard time trying to regulate his sleeping hours and he's sometimes late because he needs to take the train - his workplace is located halfway across the city. Nanami suggests teaching him how to drive but he refuses. The one-hour long rides are something that he comes to enjoy whenever he plugs the earphones into his ears and listens to music.

Hinata is quick to climb the ladder of promotion. His boss, Makoto Naegi, takes a liking to him and Hinata's eagerness to simply do _something_ \-  work, learn, watch others work. It doesn't take long until he's working with Miss Kirigiri, a kind yet strict woman who has taught him all of the basics and has been his superior for a long while.

Hinata meets all kinds of people, develops even more friendships and honestly starts enjoying his work.

Despite everything, when he comes back home tired and worn down after a day of intense work, filled with typing and frantic fixing of mistakes, falls down face-first into his bed without bothering to take off his shoes, he thinks that he's lonely. He misses Hope's bar, misses the atmosphere, and his friends. The apartment is just as quiet as it's been a year ago and the year before that and it will stay that way.

Maybe he really does need a pet.

* * *

 

Months turn into years and the only things to remind of the time their group spends together are caught on Koizumi's film. When Hinata turns twenty six, Ibuki moves to America to make herself big. He sees her on the magazine covers and laughs to himself because he never would've thought that the klutzy girl who's served cheap drinks in the bar and has been singing in unfamiliar languages could ever reach such heights. Hinata decides that he's going to miss her.

He witnesses Souda finally accepting the inevitable and moving on - Sonia will never favour him as much as she does Gundam. In order to mark this grand realization, the punk cuts his hair short and dyes it black. They all make fun of him.

Together they watch Togami losing weight and starting to enjoy the feeling of money. They guess that it's a nice change. Ibuki disagrees when Koizumi sends her the photos. She fusses that her Byakuya-chan is no longer round and fluffy. Kuzuryuu's kid grows more and more with every time Hinata sees him and he cannot believe it when the boy runs up to him on unsteady legs and clings to him, calls him Uncle Hajime, again, most likely Ibuki's influence.

Nanami too finds herself a worthy man who apparently doesn't bore her - a huge achievement. Hinata approves of him and he's glad that Chiaki has finally found herself letting go. She advises Hinata to do the same when the brown-haired man returns from another wedding.

He lies that he already has, but Chiaki knows better. They spend the night together on her couch and talk about the old times, but carefully avoid mentioning _him._

Time keeps ticking by and Hinata can barely notice when spring turns into summer, summer into autumn, autumn into winter and so on. It's like time has sped up twice, yet at the same time it feels quite the opposite, like his days are dragging out. He's okay with the fact that he's going to spend the rest of his lifespan as a loner, but for some reason he cannot find it in himself to care that much.

Hinata is twenty seven years old, he has a cute little puppy that keeps him company back home, has a wonderful job, wonderful friends and it is enough.

He walks to the train station that morning and wraps the red scarf tighter around his neck. It's still far too cold for April and he cannot wait until the weather gets warmer, because he cannot stand this cold. The sky is far too blue, cloudless and vast, and the sun hurts his sleepless eyes a little, but it looks like it's going to be a nice day. People swarm around him, men and women alike, waiting for their trains. Hinata looks at the huge clock above his head and notices that his train is next. The mass of people around him gets thicker when the train screeches to a stop and he waits for the more obnoxious ones to get in so that he can follow them later, but in the end he never gets on that train. He tries to elbow past some guy right before him who just doesn't move, when cool fingers wrap around his wrist and he stands still, too afraid to look behind and see who it is. It's not uncommon for people to get their things taken away and he's wary enough after he's seen a few of accidents like that happen right before his eyes. He sucks in a sharp breath when the person doesn't say anything and turns on his heel.

"Can I help you with some—"

The words die in the back of his throat and his jaw falls slack when he sees the familiar white mane of fluffy hair and a gentle smile. Hinata stands there as if lightning has struck him and drinks the taller man's appearance. He looks different, his skin is no longer a deathly pale one, and has a healthy tone to it. The man no longer looks like a rail, his shoulders are broad and Hinata can see that his torso is thicker, a long black coat wrapped tightly around it. The man before him exhales. Warm fog comes from his mouth and looks like he's about to laugh. Hinata cannot help himself, he has to look into those eyes that he misses so, eyes that he's dreamt about so many times, eyes he's thought about like a love struck teenage girl. Green meet yellow and Hinata bites his lower lip when he sees that there's something lacking. They're no longer cold, there's no underlying sin, no darkness within them. The sparkle with happiness and tenderness, much like Sonia's do.

His lips move a few times and Hinata hears a voice that he swears is not his own. "K-Komaeda…"

Komaeda Nagito in flesh stands in front of Hinata Hajime after almost four years of silence and Hinata feels like pinching himself because there is no way that this is real. The world around them disappears completely and Hinata doesn't care that his train is leaving him behind, doesn't care that he needs to get to work and that his next train is only going to arrive after an hour and a half. It's just the two of them in the small world that they've created.

"Found you, Hinata-kun." Komaeda laughs good-naturedly and his voice is breathy, no underlying sinister tone to it, no lies, no nothing. Komaeda smiles, they study each other's faces and he lets go of Hinata's wrist. "I thought it might be you. That hair is very hard to miss even in crowded places such as these. It's truly been a while."

Hinata feels that annoying hitch behind his eyelids threatening to spill over when Komaeda tilts his head to the side and he lets the tears flow. He knows that he's a grown-ass man, an adult, damn it, and that there are people here, but he cries anyways - big fat tears burn his face and anger boils within him. He's so glad to see the taller one, so glad that he hasn't done anything to himself. He's so fucking glad that he won't have to listen to the news anymore just in case some flashy suicide happens. He's so glad he'd gladly punch Komaeda in the face for disappearing like that.

The taller one looks confused, lost, as if he's not sure why Hinata's crying and he looks like he's about to reach out and pat him, hug him, but he struggles and keeps himself in control.

"W-Why are you crying, Hinata—"

"Don't you 'Hinata-kun' me! You! You just went away! Disappeared for four years, went God knows where— where were you anyways!? And now you come back and you just say 'it's been a while'!? Have you no shame, Komaeda?" He rubs at his eyes furiously to stop the warm liquid but it keeps pouring like someone has broken a pipe, it runs down his face and drips to the pavement.

Komaeda is surprisingly patient with him; he waits for Hinata to calm down and doesn't say anything. He waits for the brunet's shaking to stop when he starts tenderly. "Isn't this what you've wanted? You told me to go away, so I did. You cannot blame me for that, especially when you've asked for it yourself." He reaches out with shaking fingers to take one of Hinata's hands, forest-green eyes fixed on the honey-hued ones in a silent question of 'may I?'. Hinata lets him and shivers when he feels that cool skin against his own. Komaeda's hands have also changed, his fingers are no longer thin, they're more filled out and his palms aren't wet. "I… I thought about what you've said back then." He winces as if it's physically painful to think about it and Hinata couldn't agree more. He's hated himself for what he said back then, berated himself time and time again for being so harsh with the taller one. He's blamed his own immaturity, his inexperience when it comes to dealing with these feelings. But now he knows, now he's an adult and he can say things he wants without making it all fall apart.

He waits for Komaeda to calm himself, waits for the man to do something crazy, but he doesn't. He doesn't lace their fingers together, doesn't cling to Hinata, in fact he's keeping distance and Hinata thinks that this person, _this stranger_ before him is not Komaeda, not _his_ Komaeda, not the brat he once knew. He's someone else, a brand new person entirely, and Hinata's heart swells, the weight of his shoulders is slowly going away, and boy, he's been carrying it for a long time now.

He's beautiful, Hinata thinks, even more so after all this time. He's aged finely like that disgusting wine he likes to drink; he looks more mature, healthy. He still looks like he has seen some disturbing shit in life, a bit worn down and there are still small dark circles beneath his eyes, but everything else seems to be fine.

"I… I took your words to the heart, Hinata-kun. After some time I realized that I wasn't really… doing the right thing. Somewhere inside I knew that this was wrong, but I just couldn't stop." He trembles with fear, _honest fear_ and not the random quivering that Hinata remembers. "…I moved out, left the city, went to see a psychiatrist. I went through series of treatments, it was horrifying and it wasn't working as well as it was supposed to. It took me a long while to get where I am; it took me a long while to get better. And here I am." Komaeda smiles and lets go of Hinata's hand. The smaller one smites down the urge to take it again. His heartbeat thunders in the back of his throat. "I… I guess it's good that I've met you, I just wanted to tell you that—" he scratches the back of his head and looks away in shame, not sure what to say after all this time. "I guess I just wanted to say thank you for telling me to get myself together. I-I am fine now, and I guess I'm doing well… I hope you're doing well, too!" he flushes and awkwardly fidgets with the end of his plaid scarf, takes in a deep breath and closes his eyes. "It was nice meeting you here, Hinata-kun. I'm glad. I—I should probably get going…"

Hinata stares at the taller one in shock, total and complete shock, as if he's just grown a second pale-haired head and he cannot believe his own eyes when Komaeda actually turns away from him. Hinata goes on autopilot, grabs that thin wrist instead and forces the man around so that he can look at him.

Komaeda, this Komaeda, is the end result of Hinata's fit all those years ago. He's fine, he's no longer insane, he knows the concept of personal space and he's… willing to let Hinata go. He doesn't budge into his life; he didn't search for him - just for how long he's been back in the city? So many questions fly in his head, an incoherent tornado of jumbled thoughts but Komaeda refuses to look at him and whispers silently. "Please, let go. Don't do this to me again. You wanted me to let go so that's what I'm doing. After all, I do everything Hinata-kun asks me to," he laughs bitterly and gently peels the shorter one's fingers away.

It's Hinata who's left trembling this time.

"I just have one thing to ask. Be honest with yourself when you answer me. No lies or tricks. Did you really… did you really let go? Did you give up? Are you giving up?"

Seconds stretch between them and Hinata has to strain his ears to hear the answer. "No. No, I didn't. But I am doing so right now, because all is said and done, yeah?" he laughs again, but it lacks the humor, it sounds… dead. "I respect you and your wishes, so I—"

"No," Hinata cuts in and squeezes his wrist tighter. "No, you're _running away_ right now, because you don't want to hear me out. And I want you to hear me out. The Komaeda I know wouldn't even ask me what I want and he'd throw himself away without a second thought, but this - this isn't the Komaeda _I know_ , this is someone new, someone respectable. So hear me out."

The taller one still refuses to look up, but Hinata knows his full attention is on him so he continues, words flowing freely and without much thought. "I've wanted different things too, but four years have passed and I think that I've had a lot of time to think this through. First of all, I am proud. I am fucking glad that you took this seriously and you are now in full control of your life."

"Thanks…" The flush on that skin is beautiful. Has it always been that nice?

"Second of all, I'm going to be completely honest here… I didn't let go. I didn't let go because I've always hoped that maybe this… this would really happen and that you will come back and – and now you're here and you've really changed, you—" Komaeda's eyes are wide and they sparkle with some sort of emotion that makes Hinata's cheeks flush and his stutter get worse. He's never seen that much love in anyone's eyes and he figures that one would have to be really fucking in love to look at another person like that. They are alive with it, there's hope, there's love and affection.

"You've waited for me." The voice does not tremble, it's said with conviction and Hinata stops mid rant at the sound of it.

"I—"

"All this time you… you hoped. You hoped I would come back. And I came back…" It's as if pieces of the puzzle are beginning connected and the whole picture is finally visible. "Back then… you said that if I was different, if I were to change I—I'd get a second chance," Komaeda's voice is hopeful and his cheeks are red.

"I g-guess I did say that…?"

Komaeda laughs, a laugh that makes Hinata's heart jump when he lines their foreheads together. They're breathing each other's air and Komaeda smiles. "Is this you telling me that I am getting a second chance?"

Hinata stays quiet for a moment as he thinks it through and looks up. "No. It's more like… I'm not ready to make any assumptions just yet. This is more like a trial run. Things may never be the same, God, I hope they aren't, but I think you understand what I mean. It's just that—"

Komaeda presses one finger against his lips. "You don't really need to finish that sentence, Hinata-kun. I understand. I'm not going to pressure you into anything. I want… I want you to love me again. I want to earn the right for that second chance… I also want to…"

Hinata swears he's going to cry like a pansy again because this is a new Komaeda, he's someone else entirely and he finally cares for himself. He voices out his wants, his needs and it's no longer just Hinata - it's now Hinata _and_ Komaeda. Just like it's supposed to be. Just like it was supposed to be four years ago.

"Go on ahead." Hinata smiles back and it's pure, no longer a grimace that he has a tendency to keep wearing. Their lips touch and Hinata accepts it, the soft brush of them, and the warmth. It's electrifying and makes him complete, like something precious that's been stolen away is now returned to him. Maybe they really do belong together. Maybe this is how it's supposed to be. He slings his arms around the other man - has he grown taller? – and brings him closer. It's sweet and innocent, and they stand like this until Hinata can't breathe anymore. The small crowd of high school students waiting for the next train 'ooh's and 'aah's and cheers. Some girls whip out their cameras and snap some pictures. Hinata feels like burying himself underneath the ground to avoid all those stares and his face is red with shame.

"I'll make myself worthy, Hinata-kun." Komaeda promises and smiles brightly, lacing their fingers together. "Wait for me some more. We'll take it easy."

"You better not be lying, Nagito," Hinata laughs and they make their way through the crowd all the while holding hands until they're out in the sun again and Hinata thinks that, indeed, he loves it when the sun reflects from those pale milky strands. The sudden gust of wind is strong and Komaeda almost gets smacked across the face by his plaid scarf, almost running the mood. Hinata just snorts like today is the day for just that, stupid little things, warm feelings and skin contact.

"Don't underestimate the power of hope, Hajime. It brings you good things, I've always told you that."

The brown-haired man thinks back and realizes it to be truth, probably one of the few honest things that Komaeda has told him. One of the few things he never lies about.

He follows the man and thinks that, yes, he _believes_. And he has hope that things will work out between them and that Komaeda will be true to his promise.

Hinata skips work that day and gets a scolding from Kirigiri for not saying anything beforehand, but he's not down, because Komaeda is wrapped around him on the bed and for the first time in a very long time his apartment feels welcome and his life is complete.


End file.
